I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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