My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
