i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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