Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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