i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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