somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
