i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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