She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
