There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
