she looked like the before picture.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
