Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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