Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
