can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pants are for mortals
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
