shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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