the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
