HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
