Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize