You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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