definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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