So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
