Betty ford says i'm here all night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
