i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
