Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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