you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
