This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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