well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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