So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
