Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
