You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
