i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
