well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
