And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
