You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
