Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
