I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
