I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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