i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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