Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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