Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
