They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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