Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
