You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
