Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
