was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
