a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
