were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
