Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
