you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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