i just google imaged poop.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
