so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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