I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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