yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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