Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
