Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
