Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
