Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
