My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
