Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
