waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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