if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
