remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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