Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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