Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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