We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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