It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
