I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
