he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
